iJack

The iFlush. I would say this picture is stupid, but if Apple made one, I bet Steve Jobs could come up with some sneaky marketing that would make me put it in my bathroom. Right next to my iSneeze, iWipe, and iPlunge. Of course, they will all become obsolete as soon as UPS delivers my iCatheter.

I am pissed off at my iPod. Well, it’s not actually the iPod I am pissed off about, but it’s what it has done to me.

You see, like thousands of other Americans, I have bought into this whole “Apple controls my life” idea that Mr. Steve Jobs has created. For example, I have all my important documents on my mac (hidden, so don’t get any ideas Chip), I use iPhoto as my only photo album now, I write and record songs on my mac, and all my music is on my mac – which leads me to listen to music on my iPod Mini. And because it’s so small and portable, I listen to it wherever I go. The subway, in my car, walking to the post office, in the jail cell waiting to post bail from that crazy night before…everywhere. I haven’t touched a CD in over a year, when having parties we just use iTrip and a boom-box from 1989, and I haven’t even programmed NJ radio stations into my car yet. I didn’t even HAVE an antenna to get radio stations in my old car…I just had a headphone wire sticking out of the head-unit for the iPod. That car also leaked like Deep Throat and caught on fire on the way to practice once, but anyway.


The fire wasn't THAT bad. I am happy this dude who happened to be watering his flowers nearby showed up with a garden hose. His azaleas looked like shit though.

The problem is now that with the iPod, I have loaded it with so many songs that now when an “okay” song comes on I fast forward through it. This would be fine 1 or 2 times, but I find I am fast-forwarding sometimes 10 or 15 times! With a CD, you would never do that, knowing full well that you only have 15 or so songs on the CD, so why waste a fast-forwarding on a mediocre song when there might be a really bad one right around the corner (you know, that one that you really like, but had to say you put on as a joke thinking your friends might laugh when you played it in the car, but they just beat the snot out of you). The iPod has given me the power of unlimited choice and instant gratification (no rewinding or CD changing). Therefore, like the Generation-Y lack-of-attention-span-slave I am, I am never satisfied unless the newest, best song I put on my iPod plays repeatedly over, and over, and over again…since none of the other songs compare to how much I like that song at that moment. Besides, can you really EVER get sick of “Call on Me” by Eric Prydz?

The iPod has also killed the concept of the mix. I mean, yes, I do have playlists, but why play a 15 song playlist when I can shuffle all 1,000 songs and be surprised by a song I haven’t heard in a few weeks. Of course, to get to that song you probably have to go through a bunch of songs you don’t like. And that includes the one that you really like, but your friends beat the snot out of you for playing.

I would say, on average, I listen to full songs on my iPod about 60% of the time. The rest of the time I am scanning through songs, listening to half a song and then switching as I grow weary of it, or playing the crappy excuse for games they put on those things. I mean seriously, would Tetris be THAT hard to program. And it’s not as relaxing as it used to be when I first had the iPod with only a few songs on it. Instead of just listening to the music, I actually have concentrate on what will my next song be so I can keep up my “favorite-music” buzz. It’s like heroin…and in more ways then one. I can’t leave home without it on me, when I don’t have it I become antsy, I would probably whore myself out for a free one, that running athletic-strappy-arm-thing is like a big ass rubberband, and Leonardo DiCaprio is probably going to do a movie about it. My iPod Mini is like Fluorescent Green heroin.

So, thank you Steve Jobs. Thank you for getting me hooked on musical heroin…the dancing dope, the be-bopping brown sugar, the soundtastic smack, the harmonious horse, the jiving junk, and the melodious mud. But mostly, thank you for giving me inspiration for this blog entry and an excuse to look up different slang terms for heroin.

tribeca show

Thanks so much everyone for coming out and dancing on Wednesday Night! I had SUCH a blast singing and dancing with everyone. I also had a blast jumping around in my new pink high-high top sneakers. I love them.

So, on stage, I noticed that our fans are very very hot. No joke, I think we have the best looking fans in NYC. This is the kind of stuff I think about when I'm on stage. I was also thinking- wouldn't it be cool if Orlando Bloom came into the club and was like - "OMG! I have to make out with that girl on stage". That would be awesome.

So, thanks everyone who came out on Wednesday - I think it was the most fun I've had on stage ever.