Welcome to PaperDoll

So the blog has been up for prob a month now or so, so I guess it's time for me to write something no? I was waiting for Patrick to put something on so I could be the "cool" last person to add something, but Patrick in his dweeby engineering life prob has no time. Yes I said dweeby and you are jealous.

So now I could have sat deep in thought trying to come up with something witty and creative like our dear friends Jackcity and Tbags, but I'm going to just write as I think. Jack has been on my arse about writing in the blog, so I suppose it is time. Hmmm, why have I not written in the blog before now?

A) Lazy
B) Computer illstupidit
C) Trying to be the mysterious cool band memeber
D) Like to push Jack's buttons a bit
E) Really lazy
F) All of the above

Ok all this thinking and writing is making my head hurt. I'll try to find a "zany-New-Yorker-magazine-like" picture and caption. hideeho
chipstan

ps this is a 1st draft but any typos are deliberate
Jack was this ok?

Hedging Expectations

So, I’ve noticed lately that there are a bunch of shows that just GIVE people things – Extreme Makeover, Extreme Makeover Home edition, Oprah, The Today Show, The View, Ellen Degenres…Are people going to eventually EXPECT stuff just ‘cause they don’t have it? Isn’t it better to give some one something when they don’t expect you give them anything?

I feel like if this trend continues, people will feel jipped if they go to a taping of Oprah and don’t get a free gift basket of Oprah’s favorite 4,000 thread count sheets and imported goat milk soap…Maybe I would feel jipped if I didn’t…I mean she does give a lot of stuff away…what if I went to the one taping where she was like – "I don’t feel like giving anything away today." I have absolutely no right to feel deprived – I didn’t earn the Egyptian cotton sheets, but I think I might feel like Oprah let me down.

flying monkey sings national anthem

So, I'm singing the National Anthem at the Lunar New Year parade next Wednesday in Chinatown which should be fun. They asked me to wear something "Chinese" looking. Now, I don't have anything Chinese-looking in NYC, but I know my mom has something at home so I called her and was like - "could you send me like a coat or something with a Chinese pattern or design?" she was like - "of course - I'm sure I have something at home...Maybe your aunt has something...or I could go shopping....You know, you really should wear something modern though - not too traditional...I'll send you a package tonight..." hmmmm...

...So...I got her package today... The "outfit" consists of this red knee length cocktail dress thats four sizes too big (think Barbara Bush circa 1991) AND another little something that I can only describe as a red cloak/cape with a black fur trumming perhaps inspired by the Flying Monkeys from the Wizard of Oz... If Conan the Barbarian and Zha Zha Gabor morphed into an item of clothing it would be manifested in this fur-lined cape.

Don't get me wrong - I'm so greatful that she took time to go shopping for me and overnight the package to me. What I don't understand is that my mom usually has Awesome taste in clothes. Most of my clothes that I get compliments on she bought me. So...was this a fluke? Temporary insanity? Or simply revenge for my years of teenaged anx? I guess I'll never know.

As Seen On TV...

Air Purifiers: Not just for priests, NAMBLA members, and Michael Jackson anymore...

I really have to say, after having the Sharper Image Ionic Breeze air filter system for about a month now, I think it is freakin' fantabulous. I work from home a lot (mostly writing this blog), so I figured why not breathe easy while sitting on my butt all day? The first two weeks I was skeptical. I was feeling none of its promised attributes (better sleep, less headaches, the secret of life, etc…). However, after a month I have noticed that I sleep more soundly through the night, and the air is “crisper” then before. As for the secret of life, I did have some religiously expansive dreams that might have been ionically induced…however it also might have been the tequila.

The filter does have negative effects though. Now when I leave my room the rest of the apartment doesn’t smell quite as fresh to me, even though the Swiffer wet jet is our best friend. This filter is kind of like a drug. Eventually I am going to one of those people that wear the necklace one around all day. Although I do look forward to being one of those crotchety old people that whines, “IS SOMEONE SMOKING IN HEEEEEEERE?” at restaurants.

So, I don’t know about you guys, but I am totally one of those people that can hear a TV, even when it’s on mute. Don’t know what I mean? I mean, when the TV is on but the volume is down, I can hear a high-pitch sound coming from it…even if I am in another room in the apartment. What’s funny is that when I am sitting across from you at a dinner table, I will have no idea what you are saying. Of course, I’ll say your mumbling…but we both know I am going deaf.

My roommate thinks it’s totally creepy that I can hear this sound, and therefore I started to think it was really creepy that I could hear this sound. But today, she sends me this cartoon from a website she reads regularly: www.toothpastefordinner.com.



It’s good to know that I have striking similarities to a stickman.